Not So Different - Lancel
by Marina Ka-Fai
Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists. [Sister Story to Not So Different - Arya by Assassin Master Ezio 91]
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 1**

"You're not doing any effort. You need to want to get better. It's not by staying inside all day that you're going to recover."

Lancel paid no mind to the nurse who scolded him. He didn't even bother replying that his medicine was so heavy on his body that he needed to sleep them off to avoid puking them. He slept most of the day and his entire night. And he had to admit it, whenever he went at some group activity, he was so worn off he didn't really enjoy people's company or the activity itself, just craving silence and the comfort of his bed. He didn't care what she thought, he didn't care about anything anymore.

Caring hurt and he was tired of hurting every second of his life to meet people's expectations of him.

He didn't loathe his family name, far from it. He was actually proud to have his father's name, he looked up to the man. But being a Lannister came with a heavy price, one he was not fit to pay apparently.

To be a Lannister, to be seen as a true Lannister, you had to be clever, you had to be rich, you had to be beautiful, you had to be better than everyone else on every level.

To make the clan proud, to avoid tarnishing the name his father and his uncle worked so hard to clean up after the mess their own father left, due to his too gentle nature.

He had to pretend he was happy.

He had to pretend to not care about how people view him.

He had to pretend to hate things he secretly enjoyed.

He had to pretend to agree to things he denied in his mind.

He had to be the perfect son, the perfect nephew, the perfect Lannister, like all the others, to honour the previous generations.

And Lancel had tried.

The Seven were his witnesses, he had tried!

He had tried to befriend Joffrey, and when he realized he couldn't, he had tried to show that the Lannisters stood for each other, and the cherry on the cake was that it bought peace between Kevan and Cersei.

He had tried to always get straight A's, to be good at everything, to be everything he was supposed to be.

He had epically failed.

His body had given up as well as his mind and while he had thought of ending it all, the thought never remained. He actually feared Death and he thought of his parents, who had battled so hard to start a family. That would have been betraying them. Martyn should have been the firstborn son, he thought. Martyn was what the Lannisters expected him to be and he didn't have to force himself, he was a natural. He was a brainbox, always the first of his class, didn't give two shits about those who called him a nerd, stood up for his family while never sunking as low as he did, was interested in everything. Martyn would have made his father proud, a father happy with his heir. His father was stuck with him, the bloody mess who didn't even deserve to be his son in the first place. He thought of him, of the issues he had created. And despite everything, his father stood for him, still loved him, cared for him. Lancel felt like crying everytime it came to his mind. He hated this place, he hated himself, he hated the world, he hated his life. His only light was his family, his immediate family. He missed his talks with his dad, he missed how his mom kissed him goodnight as if he was five years old, he missed his movie marathons with Willem, he missed Martyn suggesting him books, he missed babysitting Janei whenever his parents had to go, allowing him to pretend he was five years old again. Sometimes, he even wished he hadn't been born at all, or miscarried. He admitted it, it would have meant he wouldn't be in such a bad shape. He also thought that, at least, his parents would have suffered less too. He wouldn't have disappointed them with who he was, compared to what they might have envisioned him to be. He sighed, realizing his brain was working too much once again. He took a glass of water, swallowed the pill and as he was about to cover himself to nap, something familiar irked his attention.

A familiar face.

And while being a woman, while being as brown haired as he was blonde, for a mere second, it was him he saw. Another broken, desperate soul who yearned to be free of pain. Until a shiver went down his spine.

For before his eyes stood a person he helped in making miserable, along with Joffrey, back when he was still a cowardly lion.

Before his eyes stood Arya Stark.

 **To Be Continued**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 2**

Lancel woke up to the screams of a schizoid neighbor in the peak of his delirium. He wondered if it was a good thing, the fact that he had grown accustomed to it, to not be afraid or starttled.

"Looks like our sleeping beauty is awake! Did you sleep well?" A nurse kindly asked, though he felt she was faking her cheerfulness to provoke his.

He simply nodded, not saying that despite sleeping so much, he never felt refreshed and energized after leaving his slumber. They'd say it was because he needed action, that his body needed to be exhausted so that it could balance with his mind. The oh so blessed pills they were feeding him weren't part of the problem, how could he even question that? He knew she didn't care, like everyone else had heard them all, how displeased they were that there wasn't any change in his state. It didn't matter that he had been here for not even month, after being diagnosed with a severe case of depression, with suicidal thoughts, though there was never an attempt. Even here, in a place for rest, for health, where people weren't supposed to be judged, where they were supposed to be understood, he still was let down and people had expectations.

"I could have stayed home for all the difference it makes..."

He thought of his parents. Of the shock on their faces when they were told he was going home only to pack his bags and go to the nearest sanity center. The despair. The pain. For all their drawbacks and faults, Lancel never doubted even once that they loved him to the moon and beyond.

"And they love you so much... You love them so much in return... You didn't want to let them down, yet you did and so hard..."

What was said during the family gathering about the mad cub? The loser? The one that was a stain on the family name? The only thing he had managed to do was making his parents parents for the first time after years of trying and of wait. That was litteraly his only achievement. Being born healthy and not dying before them. Robert was right, he was an idiot, with one ball and no brain. Tyrion was right, he was a weakling and a fool. Just a joke. A painfully expensive joke.

"It's lovely outside, maybe you could take some on the sun's rays for a few moments?"

Lancel only obeyed to buy his peace later on. However, as soon as he got up, the world started to spin around him and if he managed not to puke, he had felt it coming. At lease, the nurse saw that the pill was the reason he barely got up.

"Okay... Maybe it's a bit too strong for you, right now."

He wondered how he did not to roll his eyes. She helped him laying down, opened the window to get some fresh air after his approval. He closed his eyes, quickly drifting away.

 _XXXXX_

"I wonder why Arya Stark is here." He thought

He wondered if he had any part in her current state, before reminding himself he was quite vain to even assume he was powerful enough to cause someone to end up in a mental institution. He didn't deny his words might have hurt. But he was weak. Everyone knew he was. And he was nobody. While he knew he couldn't receive any visitors yet, the nurses gave him words from people who called for him. Only his parents did. All the people who pretended to be his friends were certainly laughing their asses of with Joffrey. He had no friends. Never had any and would never have any. He was just a ticket to get near Joffrey. And Joffrey knew that. He had played on his fear of solitude to have him be his puppet. How ironic. Now, solitude was a friend he sought.

"Then why? She always seemed so tough, so... Strong. What happened to her? You don't end up here by accident, it happens suddenly but the build-up takes months, sometimes years..."

A voice in his head told him to get up and meet her, to apologize at least. He had been such a dickhead to her!

"As if I could apologize to her! I'm not even brave enough to do that."

A soft knock starttled him away and he turned to see his visitor. He wondered if Life hated him. In front of him was one of his former victims.

"A-Arya Stark." He asked, unsure of her presence or of the reasons for it

She looked so tired!

"Um, yeah. I just; I didn't want to be alone and, I didn't know anyone else who could..."

He didn't know what to reply. He knew he was just a filler, he certainly wasn't her first choice, he never was anyone's choice. But he understood her need to talk. The least he could do for her was listening. Even if she hated him or simply did it to ease herself. Everyone used him anyway. At least, this time, it was different. It was different because it would make her better, or so he hoped. His eyes were distracted by something near her hands. Bandages? On her wrists?

"Had she... Gods! That's..."

He realized he had lingered too long on that detail as her face changed and she left, upset.

"You freaking idiot! You can't even be a presence without fucking it up! What' wrong with you?! No wonder everyone hates you and pisses on you! Have balls and jump from the highest roof, end your misery and that joke!"

When the nurse came back to check on him, for the first time, she had to write an entry on her report, proof of the patient's evolution:

She had found Lancel crying silently.

 **To Be Continued**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 3**

Lancel's nurse didn't know what to think on her patient's request to have books to she was happy he was finally doing something else than sleeping, he was still locking himself away from others and barely talked. She wasn't sure if granting this was an improvement sign, but with the titles he asked for, she knew it wasn't going to hurt. Jane Austen, Maupassant, Flaubert, Agnes Grey... Those were general culture. She couldn't possibly blame a man young enough to be her own son for reading.

"You know, there is a library here and we could organize books meetings if you like it." She tried

He only nodded, thanked her for the books and started to read once she left. Lancel felt relieved his medicine had been dosed down, not that he was able to run a marathon, but it felt so marvellous to be able to just sit in his bed, doing something else than sleeping away. Reading was the only way he could be out of his room without breaking any rules and he intended on running away as much as he could that way. He still hated this place where he was seen as an infant, those cameras were already bad, so to be talked to as if he was two years old was getting on his nerves. Not that he could even complain, his medicine would be blamed and the dose would be higher. Even here, his words didn't matter, he had learnt that the first day. No one would listen, no one really cared, he was just another number, something to fix so the number could be transferred to the cured box, to grant the institution more money from the country.

His current state reminded him of Eduard Einstein, or at least, the way he was written by Laurent Seksik, never listened to, just an unsolvable case by the words of his own father, words even uttered by the real Albert Einstein, aching because of the affliction his youngest child and son was going through. A brilliant, clever young boy with a famous family name, ending up living his entire life away from his parents, in an asylum, because of his schizophenia, shattering his dreams of being a psychoanalyst, at the dawn of the second world war. The common points kinda hurt as much as he was ashamed to even compare himself to someone real, someone way sicker than him, who died away from his family in a place he was locked up in for more than thirty years. How vain of him. At least, he knew he was going out someday. His father and his mother were still married. His father didn't have to move away because someone placed a price on his head for his religious beliefs.

"I'm just pathetic... Comparing myself to someone who had it harder than me and who is dead... Eduard was said to be brilliant. I'm just average."

Some footsteps took him out of his thoughts. Arya Stark was there, about to say something but she apparently changed her mind as she closed her mouth. He assumed it was due to how he looked. There wasn't any mirror in the room, but he had seen his reflection enough to know he looked ghastly.

"I'm bored." She said

He shakily handed over a book.

"Nah, not my style. Sansa would appreciate your taste more."

He only nodded, thinking there was no way Sansa would even let him talk to her about books. And after what he had done to her, it would be well deserved. He noticed her bandages were gone.

"So, what's your crime?"

He raised an eyebrow.

"You... You want to know why I'm here?"

His voice was barely audible she had to come closer.

"Yeah, why not. Why is a golden lion caged with the broken spirits?"

As much as she tried to sound witty and confident, Lancel felt it was shaky at best.

"You'd laugh and mock me."

"I'm not you."

"The Seven be blessed."

She smirked and he didn't know why she felt happy to try to get on his nerves.

"Oh, you don't like that? She didn't either, neither did Sansa back at school when you were with Joffrey. You don't like the taste of your own medicine huh? Coward." He thought

He sighed. What did he have to lose? Her respect? He never had it in the first place. Her trust? Same story. He had nothing to lose. And any mockery of hers, he had earnt. People were meant to laugh at him, he was a joke, he had to remember what he was.

"Severe case of depression." He quickly said

"Can't be only that if you're here."

"Nervous and mental breakdown with suicidal thoughts. Thoughts that remained thoughts."

His mind screamed at her to go ahead and laugh, but he was a bit startled to see her... Actually understanding.

"What happened?"

Her voice was strangely soft and soothing. As if she cared. As if she truly cared.

"My mother was worried about my weight loss and when I came out of the doctor's office, he told her I was going home only to pack my bags and come here."

"No, I mean... What caused it."

He sighed. He hesitated to explain everything, but at the same time, what would it bring him? Nothing. Nothing would came either way, her curiosity would be satified, she could laugh all she wanted, she could do anything. It didn't matter anymore. Once out of here, he'd move to a far away place, a small village where he'd be the weirdo living away from the main place. No one would come, he'd be at peace. He'd be alone.

"Did your parents, your family, had goals for you? Expectations?" He carefully asked

She nodded.

"Same for me. And I've let them all down. The only thing I managed to do was being born, so my parents could finally be parents. I tried to be worthy of them all, of the name. I tried the best I could. I didn't meet any expectations to be what they consider a good member of the Lannister legacy. I even tried to erase what I was. What I liked, I said I found it horrible. What I disliked, I pretended I cared, that I had an interest. I basically tried to kill what I was to replace with it with the Lancel they wanted. A stupid idea for an error of nature anyway..."

Her lack of reaction left him wondering andhe didn't dare to look at her.

"Of course, just because she comes from an ancient and rich family too, you assumed she'd understand your white rich kid issues. You're pathetic. People have it harder than you and they don't end up here. You're a horrible person, a disgrace, you should just die." He thought

"That sucks..." He heard her say

He managed to raise his head. While she wasn't looking at him, he didn't see any trace of mean intentions on her face.

"Nobody should feel like they have to be someone they're not, especially out of love."

He remained silent.

"Nobody should go through what you are going through."

She'd never know that, but her words would keep him awake for several hours in the dead of the night.

Nobody meant that he was included in her sentence.

Arya had basically told him he didn't deserve what was happening to him.

And that kindness, after the jerk he had been to her, he wondered if he deserved it or if she had just shown mercy and pity on him.

 **To Be Continued**


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 4**

Sitting at the kitchen table, a cup of tea steaming by her side, Dorna was idly turning the pages of one of her family albums, her gaze resting on the captured form of her eldest child. He looked so young, so full of life, so bright...

When he certainly was already aching.

She wondered what she did wrong, when she lost her way, what made Lancel feel the need to hide everything inside. She wondered what made him fall so sick. She knew that, as a Lannister, things were expected of her husband, of her, of her children. Not when they were still Janei's age, she was too little, but once they were grown enough. And while Kevan wanted his children to be good students, he had never considered a B or eve bad grade, if he knew their kids had given all they could and tried their best.

"You know how Lancel is, though. Despite his facade, he is a sensitive boy. He takes a lot of things at heart. He thinks too much. All he wanted was to be a son who would make his father proud and who would show his family he too could be a part of their legacy. He loves us too much and we didn't do enough to show him there was no need for him to be so hard on himself." She thought

She wondered if they had done enough for him to understand that he didn't need to seek perfection and to be so hard on himself. He was a solid B student who scored A's quite often. He had a good brain, a good heart, he was athletic enough and she could still hear Tywin being actually proud of that.

"But Lancel never heard that while he needed to."

She asked herself why he felt the need to strive for perfection. Expectations? Perhaps. But no one had ever asked him to be an A student, to be basically the perfect incarnation of what a Lannister should be in people's minds. She realized with horror she knew nothing of her own boy. His likings? She suspected him to pretend to like things he despised just to please the family. The only real liking she could think of that was not interfering with the Lannisters' visions of a good member of the family was books, and the fact that Tyrion was a bookworn certainly helped.

"Once again, Willem loves video games and no one in the family annoys him with that. But... It's sad to say, but Willem isn't as impressionable as Lancel is. He doesn't care what people think, he just does what he likes and states he doesn't have to change for anybody."

But then again, Willem wasn't their firstborn child or their firstborn son. Lancel was born after so many years of wait, perhaps he felt that, as the first child, as the first son, as the yearned baby, he had to be perfect so the wait would have been worth it, so they wouldn't regret their patience. That was a scary thought, to even think that this idea could be in his head. For how long had this been going on?

"I'm the worst mother on Earth. My son was suffering for years, according the our doctor. I never saw anything. And Lancel never dared telling us how he felt inside, probably scared and ashamed to not meet the criterias of a good Lannister spawn... I know it isn't easy, being related to a Lannister, but I never thought it could do so much damage..."

She looked at Janei, humming happily as she played with a doll Lancel had offered her, Martyn doing his homework nearby, Willem playing with a very low sound so his twin wouldn't be disturbed.

"Am I doing the same for them? Am I repeating this vicious cycle?"

She knew Martyn loved to learn, had always loved to learn, had shown an early interest in politics, had a good head for it. But did he liked it or was he doing the same as Lancel, to make them proud?

"Lancel's interest was rather sudden and despite his efforts, he never managed to get fully around it."

She felt a hand gently squeezing her shoulder. Kevan was behind her and she knew him all too well to know that he was going the same thing as she did. The new of Lancel's breakdown had shocked everyone. Even Tywin had seemed unsettled. Just as he had coldly scolded Joffrey for mocking Lancel. Her anger was building up, Kevan's too and before they could do anything, Tywin had stepped in and he had scared everybody by his tone.

"Lancel is sick because he tried too hard, unlike a grandson of mine. I'm proud to call Lancel my nephew. I wish I could be proud of calling you my grandson."

Cersei had tried to take her child's defence, only to be answered back.

"Lancel tried to befriend your son and when he saw it couldn't be possible, he didn't leave him alone because he was family. Lancel tried to be a great student, to be more than the already good B student he is, your son doesn't even return his homework on time. Lancel never got into any detention or authority issue, your son did so much I lost count. Lancel certainly tried things he stopped because he disliked it or didn't find any appeal to it, your son is a known drug addict. Why should I show mercy on your boy while he is a spoilt child and blame my nephew, who overtried to please everyone, for an illness he didn't choose to have?"

"Don't tell me you wished Lancel was your grandson!"

"Sometimes, I wonder. Lancel is far from perfect, true. But he is a decent person. I don't have to feel ashamed when someone mentions his name. Unlike your boy. "

Lancel would have loved to hear those words, he needed to hear them. They had all pushed him to be someone he wasn't, to destroy the one he was because the one he was wasn't good enough. That was dreadful. Everyday, her mind showed her their reunion when they'd be allowed to visit him and everytime, Lancel apologized when they were the guilty ones.

"I should have stepped in for Lancel more. We should have stepped in for him more. We let things happened and we still wonder why all of this happened, while we are responsible. We have been negligent and lazy."

Her eyes fell upon a picture taken a few days after Janei's birth. Lancel was holding her, the twins by his side. He had never seemed happier.

"You'll be that happy again. I promise. Your father and I promise. We did you wrong and we're so sorry for it."

She sighed.

The house had never felt any emptier ever since Lancel had to be interned.

 **To Be Continued**


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 5**

"It's sunny outside, you can enjoy a bit of the good weather in the gardens if you wish." A nurse tried

Lancel tried to offer the ghost of a polite smile.

"Thank you. But I feel tired. I'd rather return to my room unless the cleaning agent isn't finished yet."

The woman sighed.

She had thought he was actually improving.

Asking for books, letting his emotions coming out, even befriending a fellow sick neighbor, having spotted them sharing their experiences. Yet, the emotions she saw coming out were mostly negative. It was good he let them out but she couldn't remember any good emotion coming from him. He let out so few of them and all seemed to be weighing him down.

It couldn't be the medicine, she thought.

The dose had been reduced as she had seen first hand that the one they used to administer him was too strong, causing him to oversleep, to feel dizzy and nauseous. He was actually more awake, communicated a bit more but she couldn't hide her disappointement. She had thought he'd continue improving, yet there was no real evolution. He attended the mandatory meetings, spoke when spoken too or asked to speak but she had seen how he acted. He was simply there, sitting, listening, withdrawn in his head, as silent as a grave. After the speech from the therapist, he didn't try to go to other patients, to talk. He remained sitted, waiting to be allowed to return to his room. She also considered the datas she had on him. He had considered killing himself several times but always backed down, thinking of his parents, of how unfair it would have been to rob them of what made them parents after years of wait, thinking of his brothers and of how he didn't want their smiles to disappear because he'd be gone in such a way, of his sister innocently asking where he was or why he was in a box under the ground, he wasn't a tree after all and he would not be able to breathe down there. He had always backed down but now that he was here, away from his family, she feared that what held him back was gone and that he'd go all the way.

"I'm worried, really."

"Write to his parents then."

Lancel wanted to facepalm, to scream in anger and he didn't because he was polite.

Had they studied his case more, they'd also know that he confessed backing down because of his faith in the Seven Gods, afraid his soul would go to Hell.

That he backed down because he was actually scared of death.

That he knew he didn't really want to die, he just wanted his pain to stop and be gone forever.

What good would writing to his parents do anyway?

It would comfort them in the idea that he was a failure. Couldn't even heal properly and as fast as the nurses team expected him to.

And it wasn't like he could tell them that he didn't meddle with others because he was actually scared of others. He didn't think he had agoraphobia but for a long time, perhaps even years, he had been and still was scared of others, of being in a crowd, of what they'd say, of what they'd think, of making a fool of himself, disgracing the inheritance he had to honour and carry, of ashaming his family. And here, in this place, he was surrounded by strangers. He didn't want anybody to get to know what happened because it wasn't their business. Arya got to know because she asked, but he wouldn't make a story out of it.

And again, what would they think?

The poor little rich kid whose life is hard because he can't please Daddy and his uncle? He didn't want to hear it, he knew he was pathetic already without others adding their pennies to the thought. And many of them had it harder than him, it would be just distateful to make a show of his issues when they were so trivial compared to what happened in these people's lives.

A man was here because of the loss of his wife and baby in childbirth.

Another was here because of his schizophrenia.

And here he was, Lancel Lannister, here because he was simply tired.

Speaking would mean insulting them and he liked to think he was better than that.

He had become better than that, compared to the brat he was in school, following Joffrey's lead, never daring to stop everything because he was a craven on top of all of his issues. He was afraid Joffrey might take revenge as he didn't take a no very well. He was afraid of losing his friends. He had lost them anyway as soon as Joffrey made it known he was with the mad men now. He never had friends to begin with. He was just a quicker way to get to Joffrey and his advantages. Yes, being in a crowd scared him and drained his energy and he didn't see why they were so afraid of him trying anything to take his own life when the building was filled with cameras.

"And to think Arya is under more surveillance because she tried what I never dared to."

The family doctor had sent him here so he could rest, away from what was nuturing his neuroses.

How ironic.

He hated this place who only accentuated all of his neuroses. The only place he felt at ease was home. Away from school, away from Casterly Rock, away from the duties, just being himself, helping around, being the best big brother he could. His parents could come, they'd see that what they were written was bullshit in the first place.

"Send a copy to his doctor as well."

He sighed, getting up as he was finally allowed to leave, surprising the nurses by a simple question that shatter their belief. He admitted he actually liked that, making them feel embarassed and surprised, the only payback he could allow himself to do, as they were always misjudging him in the first place.

"Could I have my drawing gear back please? I feel like painting something sunny for my baby sister."

 **To Be Continued**


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 6**

Kevan Lannister wasn't a man known for getting angry at the slightest inconvenience or at the smallest insult. So, to see him read a letter from the clinic, then suddenly crumple it with an angry expression on his face, loudly stating that the nurses were a fraud surprised his children. Martyn seemed to understand something was off, gave a small nod to his twin and the brothers took their little sister upstairs to play with her, leaving their parents to talk between grown adults. Dorna took the paper, uncrumpled it but didn't read it.

"They believe Lancel wants to kill himself and will actually do it." Her husband ended up revealing

She sighed.

"They didn't study his case at all. To hear that Lancel is suicidal isn't new. But it was clearly written, by his own confessions, that while he considered it, he never went through it everytime it crossed his head for various reasons."

Dorna kept silent, letting him vent.

"I wonder if it was a good thing, sending him there. What they complain about, even I, who isn't a pro, understand why he does it."

"His departure was needed, Kevan." She ended up saying

She gently took his hand.

"For him, obviously. For the first time in a long time, his words mattered and something was made for him to feel better. But it was needed for us too. We were blind to his misery and we needed an eye opener. A sad and brutal one, but one nonetheless."

As much as he hated to hear it, Kevan knew Dorna was right. They were part of the reason Lancel fell so sick. Of course, depression had a root in the brain. It was a mix of so many things it could get overwhelming. And in the peaks of his pain, despite his mind screaming to end it all, Lancel had always backed down, thinking of them. When they should have been thinking of him more. He was their son and they had failed him. The bitter taste in his mouth hadn't vanished since the day Lancel didn't go home.

"He even said that he once backed down because he knew, deep down, that he didn't actually want to die. He just wanted his pain to stop. Lancel is braver and wiser than anyone, even himself, gives him credit for." He thought

He also remembered another part of his son's case, how he said that the only place where he didn't suffer as much, where he could even feel his pain vanishing was home. Just him, his parents, his siblings, in his favourite cocoon. A place where he could drop the masks almost completely and being himself for a refreshing change. Kevan wondered if Lancel wouldn't be better at home. Surrounded by people who loved and cared for him, who didn't judge him and most importantly, he'd knew about those facts. He'd remain home, relaxing, doing whatever he felt like doing, not caring about the outside world. Under medicine, true, that was needed, but home. He could even tell his studies to go away, it didn't matter if he had to retake a year or a part of it, he could even stop school for all he cared. All that mattered was Lancel's health, his children's health, in body but also in spirit.

"When can we visit?" Dorna carefully asked

"Today."

 _XXXXX_

The place was so well arranged that it didn't look like a mental clinic at all. Dorna was still amazed by that even if she knew the truth. It was a good thing, she thought. While there was no shame in being followed by specialists for mental health, some people were prone to mock others and thus, creating a place that didn't look like an asylum was an idea she approved of. She couldn't wait to see Lancel at last, having missed him so much it actually hurt.

"I hope the children will be allowed to see him soon, they miss him so much." She thought

Locking their car up, the couple, hand in hand, started to walk to the entrance. While they were thrilled to finally see Lancel after so long, they were both scared of how they'd find him. Of his reactions.

"Isn't it..." Dorna suddenly said, in a low and unsure voice, her eyes spotting familiar figures

They approached, making her realize she was right. Eddard and Catelyn Stark were about to enter too. And they seemed as surprised as they were to see them here. She greeted them with a smile.

"I didn't know you were visiting someone here." Catelyn carefully said

Dorna nodded.

"I could say the same." She tried to joke

"We... Our daughter Arya is here." Eddard said, his voice betraying his worries

How they understood! In this place, petty fights or arguments didn't matter anymore.

"She... She tried to take her own life." Catelyn added

"By the Seven! Is she okay?" Dorna asked

"Her best friend Gendry saved her. She's resting since that day." Eddard explained

"We're truly sorry for Arya." Kevan declared "We hope she'll return home soon."

The Starks thanked them.

"Who are you visiting?" Catelyn wondered

"Our son Lancel." Kevan softly replied "Nervous and mental breakdown."

Dorna held his hand tighter, hoping to pass to him some of her strength.

"Poor Lancel. We hope he'll recover soon. Seeing your child suffering and being unable to help... Is a horrible feeling." Catelyn stated

Dorna thanked her before they took their leave.

Lancel was waiting.

 **To Be Continued**


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 7**

It hurt to see him this way. They had expected Lancel to be changed, but still the sight was unsettling. If he didn't seem to have lost weight, he definitely looked tired and dosed up. However, when he saw them, he had a genuine smile, his eyes sparkling with happiness.

"Mom! Dad!" He managed to say in a low voice

The nurses had warned them that, as he had just received his treatment for the day, he would be a bit off, less talkative than what they would have expected. It didn't matter. What mattered was being with their baby boy, finally. They spotted his drawing gear nearby, clearly used, and some sketches. Lancel had lost the desire to draw for months and to her shame, Dorna couldn't remember the last time he had taken a pencil for his own creative pleasure. He had taken it to help his brothers with some homeworks, projects, but never for himself, like he used to. When the days were warm enough, he liked to sit in their garden, trying to spot something to draw or paint. Sometimes, he even went in a park nearby. She couldn't remember the last time he had done that either.

"How are you feeling?" She carefully asked

She still managed to smile. She wanted her son to feel he could rely on her, that he didn't weigh on her, that she could be a rock to him if he needed her to be.

"Exhausted." He confessed "The stuff they give me... It's heavy stuff. Yet, they gave me a lighter version. The old one was making me sick."

He looked so pale and so fragile! Her guts were telling her, screaming at her, to take Lancel back home, but she knew that being here was what he needed right now.

"They wrote to you, didn't they?" He asked

So, he was aware. That was already a good point. If she could call it a good point. It meant Lancel had overheard everyhhing, even the false assumptions they had been making and he could not really say anything against them without being accused of speaking back due to the medicine or a lack of desire to be healed. Take him home, her instincts told her again.

"I never expected a sanatarium to write me a tale." Kevan declared. "Don't get me wrong. They do their jobs. I can't blame them for trying to prevent unfortunate events. But what they wrote really make me wonder if they know your case at all."

Lancel only nodded.

"Don't you try to tell them how you feel?" His father asked

"When I told them I was tired, they thought I was only trying to hide away from others. And when I told them the pills were making me sick, they thought I was exaggerating things. Why bother? I'm here because I'm tired of fighting. I don't see the point of picking it up here." He stated, his voice neutral

"Are they kind to you?" Dorna worried

"Yes. You could say they are. They try to be cheerful. And I don't give them reasons to be rough on me."

She nodded.

"Your uncle Tywin often asks about you. He hopes you get home soon." She tried to make him smile

"That's kind of him. Send him my regards."

His tone broke her heart.

"If only you knew all the praises he made about you." She thought "Of how proud he is of having you as a nephew, a decent human being who tries to better himself. How he put Joffrey back in his place, how he defended you. You need to hear that, to know of that. But directly from him. Reported words don't have the same impact as directly told."

Lancel asked them about the twins and Janei, of their health, and he surprised them by remembering so many things they had expected him to forget with his medicine. He was upset to have missed Janei's dance gala. Had Martyn win the science fair? How was Willem advancing on the video game he had planned to do, for his optional class, for extra credits? He missed them and wished they could have come with them to visit. However, he also added that not coming could be a good thing for them, he didn't have a mirror but he assumed he wasn't a pretty sight. He didn't want them to have a bad memory of him, locked up in an asylum.

"If you two are here, maybe it means the Starks are here too." He assumed

"They are." Dorna confirmed. "How did you guess?"

"One of the children is here. We're almost neighbors. We talk sometimes." He replied

She noticed he didn't mention which child, certainly out of decency. Even in his state, he managed to do that. She wondered if that confirmed what Kevan told her many times, that she had done well by their children.

"Yes, they came to visit Arya." She revealed, so he'd know they were aware

"That's good." He smiled "Their support is what she needs the most."

The visits hours came to an end way too soon for Kevan and Dorna's taste. What eased them, however, was that Lancel had been happy to see them, that he didn't seem angry against them for failing him and the last thing he told them, smiling softly, was as sweet as it was bitter, adding to their feeling of failure:

"I can't wait to go home."

 **To Be Continued**


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 8**

Sitting in the gardens, enjoying the rays of the sun through the leaves of a weeping willow, his robe keeping him warm, Lancel thought he would have loved the place, had he not been forced to be here for his health. The gardens were beautiful. Large, in a circular shape, a true relaxing place in this hospital. At the center, there was a pond, not deep enough for suicidal people, but deep enough to have some small fishes swim around. Very often, children of the interned adored them and took their parent to see them closer. Out of security, a fence had been erected, yet still in a fashion that it would blend in with the place, not stand out violently for the eye. Benches had been put all around, with trees and flowers. Yes, in a normal time, he would have loved the place, sat there to draw. But when it was almost forced down his throat, he had developed a hatred for the place, no matter how pretty it was. He could easily recognize the efforts made to make the interned at ease, as if there weren't in an asylum. The way the place was sold to them reminded them to much of the fact that they were considered mad.

"Hey. Is there a place for me?" A voice called

Taken out of his thoughts, he realized Arya was standing in front of him. He gave her a spot where she could sit. She seemed a bit better. At least, he thought her cheeks weren't as hollow as they had once been.

"So, your parents came?" She asked carefully

"They did."

"Wow, that's a lack of enthusiasm! Aren't you happy they came?"

"I'm ashamed they saw me that way."

She sighed and while he didn't look at her, he assumed she had rolled her eyes.

"Are you also ashamed when they see you down with a flu, a cold, a stomach bug?"

"Having a physical illness isn't anyone's fault."

"So is having a mental illness."

Before he could argue back, she cut him:

"You were diagnosed by several doctors with depression. Depression is a mental illness, due to something chemical malfunctioning in the brain. At least, that's what I understood about depression. So no, you didn't choose to have depression. And before you ask, having a breakdown isn't your fault either. No one can blame you for having tried to make your family proud. It would be blaming someone because he feels love."

Lancel sighed before asking:

"How did it go, with your parents? I was told they came."

She tensed.

"It was... Intense. Needed, but intense. But now I know that they never stopped loving me. I feel so stupid for having doubted it in the first place."

"You had reasons to believe it. So, you are reconciled?"

"You could say that."

"I'm glad."

"Can I ask you something?"

He nodded.

"You've live with so much pressure for years. Yet, it's only now that you are down. And you're here only because a doctor saw through your weight issue."

He kept silent.

"Despite having thought of it, you never actually tried to do it."

"You're wrong."

She seemed surprised.

"I just never had the courage to go all the way. I'm a coward who's afraid of the pain. And deep down, that's what I have always been. A coward."

"Being afraid of the pain of suicide is actually a sign of strong survival instinct."

"Everytime I thought of it, even going as far as taking a knife from the kitchen, something always held me back. What if it was Janei who would find me? A three years old discovering a bloody corpse? The day wasn't the right one, it was a birthday, or a special day, I didn't want it to be spoiled by my death. I want to try, maybe it will be better, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel."

She listened carefully.

"I thought of it, but I was scared to go to the Seven Hells."

So, Lancel was actually a pious young man, who believed in the Seven? Another thing he had to hide to avoid being seen as a disappointement in the family. Dorna's faith was known, Kevan's tolerance was known. Tywin's disbelief in the Gods was just as famous and Joffrey would have made him miserable for having "imaginary friends".

"And to be honest... I'm scared of Death. Always have been."

She allowed herself to pat his shoulder. He seemed surprised but he didn't back down.

"It's not weakness to value life. Do you know what Baudelaire said once? Suicide is the courage of those who don't have it anymore."

"Actually, it was Maupassant. Suicide! But it's the strength of those who don't have it anymore, it's the hope of those who don't believe anymore, it's the sublime courage of the defeated."

"Yeah, well, you see the point." She replied, a bit ashamed to have made a mistake

She sighed, but smiled.

"Well, that's bullshit. There's nothing glorious or romantic in suicide. You should not be ashamed of wanting to live. Especially in your darkest hours. Even when down, you still wanted to live and your will to live overpowered your wish for death. On top of trying to live up to the expectations people had for you, because you just wanted them to be happy. You are strong, Lancel. You are way stronger than anyone gives you credit for, even yourself."

After a few seconds of silence, he told her he didn't expect her to support him.

"Not after what I have done to you."

"Okay, listen close. True, you have a brain. You made your choices. But with what I know now of you and of your story, I can understand you trying to buy yourself peace. And I'll be honest, I've always seen you as a yes man. So, not particulary bright but not particulary mean either. To hate you, it'd mean hating Sansa. She was like you, once."

"Still... Arya, I'm very sorry for the way I treated you. My story explains why I acted this way but it does not justify how I acted. I do apologize."

She smirked.

"I was told you were good with brushes and pencils."

He agreed, though confused.

"I'll have to think of a subject but paint something for me and we're even."

The nurses exchanged an astonished look when Lancel's happy laughter invaded the gardens.

 **To Be Continued**


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 9**

The knock on his door caused Lancel to close his book, wondering who was visiting. He didn't know if anyone apart from his parents had the right to visit him. And outside, the weather was awful. It was raining non-stop and it was getting so dark he wondered if a thunder storm would crack. Not that he would mind. He actually loved storms. As far as he could remember, he had never been scared of it, surprising his parents and family. As a child, he thought that the Seven Gods were bored, so they played bowling in the Seven Heavens, resulting in the earthlings hearing the game. As he grew, the sound of wind, of rain, of Nature, soothed him to a point no one had never imagined. No, Lancel felt bad for the poor soul who was kind enough to visit and who would be or be getting soaked. As soon as the door opened, a yellow tornado rushed to him, grasping his forearm.

"Lany!"

Lancel had a bright smile as he realized his little sister was looking at him, excited, with wide bright eyes, boucing on her feet. He helped her getting on the bed, so she could sit with him.

"She wouldn't stop saying she couldn't wait to see you." A male voice stated

He smiled at the two new visitors.

"Hi guys." He greeted

Things hadn't changed apparently. Janei was still as energetic, Martyn was still dressed soberly but perfectly, and Willem's hair was still a mess.

"How did you..." Lancel started

"We took the bus." Martyn revealed

The boys sat on the chairs nearby. Willem was carrying a bag that looked filled.

"And I'm the new Santa Claus!" He joked "Everything is for you."

Lancel raised an eyebrow.

"These are from Myrcella." Willem said as he picked five books from the bag. They looked heavy and they were large.

"I'll give them back to her as soon as I'm finished."

"No need, she said she bought them for you. She knew you were planning on buying them and she was worried you wouldn't have any books to read."

He took out several boxes of pastries, cakes, cookies, from their aunt Genna, certain that the food wasn't great and as her pumpkin had a sweet tooth, sometimes, cakes were the best medicine. Tommen had offered him a colouring book, thinking he was certainly tired so drawing from scratches could be difficult sometimes. And several family members said hi. Tywin had actually asked Willem to send Lancel "his love". The thought starttled the young man. He didn't doubt his uncle was able of love. He had never known her, something he regretted, but he knew how Tywin had been, and still was, madly in love with his late wife Joanna. He adored Jaime too. And while Lancel never had any reason to doubt his uncle respected him, because he was family and because he was a son from his favourite brother and sibling, he had never actually considered he could feel affection for him.

"Don't get cocky." He thought "It's expected of him. It's just politeness."

Martyn remained silent as he watched his brother, guilt eating him from inside. He felt horrible, knowing that Lancel had suffered for years, and he had never noticed a thing. He knew Willem felt the same. To see him in such a place, dosed up by the medicine, felt wrong. They had never seen his misery, while he was always the first to notice their sadness, their pain, ready to listen, to advice. They really had let him down.

"When are you coming home, Lany?" Janei asked

"I don't know. The doctors have to decide it." He softly replied

The nurse who was entrusted with Lancel passed through the corridor, quickly glancing inside of the room. To say she was surprised was an understatement. Her patient looked tired, true. But he was smiling. Genuinely smiling. He was laughing with his brothers. It was his sister who got the most words out of him. His time here was necessary. He needed a real break from what he was experiencing and a change of place was a step in that break. However, now, he seemed to fully bear the impact of the pills. While he didn't seek to attend meetings on his own, he never refused a talk with another patient, whose name escaped her, a pretty young lady with grey eyes if she remembered correctly. In his case, most of people interned would still remain for a few weeks but seeing the good influence his immediate family seemed to have on him, she wondered if he wasn't actually ready to go home, to rest, surrounded by his family, but with care, not meeting those who pressured him in the first place, not so soon.

She'd talk about it.

 _XXXXX_

Lancel sighed as he heard another knock on his door. He'd never be able to finish his book. However, the visitor facing him left him stunned. Not once in a lifetime would he have thought Sansa Stark would visit him in an asylum.

"Hello, Lancel." She said softly

"Hi. Come in." He invited

She sat near him.

"Arya told me you were here. I thought I'd drop by and say hi. Not for long though, you must be tired." She awkwardly explained

"That's kind of you."

She played with her hands as silence fell upon them.

"How are things, at school?" He asked after a while

"Oh, pretty much the same. Classes."

"I... I meant... The school life."

Sansa assumed he was trying to do smalltalk, she was grateful.

"Well, Joffrey has a new sweetheart."

His face made her giggle. The relationship between Sansa and Joffrey had ended up so badly no girls actually wanted to date Joffrey.

"Who's the brave woman?" He asked

"Margaery Tyrell. I think she went after him at first for the challenge he is. But, believe it or not, she actually has an influence on him. She convinced him to have charity auction for the town's oprhanage."

"Let's pray he puts a ring on her. And that the High Septon hears of this. This girl deserves to become a saint."

Sansa nodded.

"My best friend Jeyne now dates Theon Greyjoy. And Ramsay dates a girl, the daughter of the town's kennel."

"He dates a girl?"

"She's as twisted as he is."

He wondered if it was a good thing.

"My brother Robb is engaged."

"That's wonderful. Congrats."

"Yeah, it seems wedding is in my family this year, my uncle Edmure too is getting married."

"Did Brienne already take her leave?"

Brienne of Tarth, Jaime Lannister's fiancée and soon Lancel's cousin by marriage, was expecting their first child.

"Yes, and she was quite showing. I really wonder if she's not expecting twins."

Lancel laughed at the idea, picturing Jaime's expression in his head.

"Sansa..." He started, in a serious tone. "I... I presented them to Arya too... I... I'm sorry for the way I've treated you."

"I was never really mad at you in the first place."

Her words stunned him.

"I was disappointed, yes. But with how Joffrey is, I always thought you simply tried to avoid issues with him, especially when he's family."

"Still, that was cruel of me. I do apologize."

"Apologies accepted."

Her face brightened up as she had an idea.

"Say, could I have your mobile number? So that, when you're home, if you're bored and want gossip, you can call me. I enjoyed our chat."

"Me too." He admitted

As she went out, he wondered:

Life was really strange.

 **To Be Continued**


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 10**

Lancel looked around his room one last time, making sure he didn't forget anything. Though he knew it wouldn't be really lost, he didn't want to have to bother everyone. It felt strange, it was weird. When he was there, he wished for home and now that home was granted, he wondered if he felt ready. He understood that what he sought wasn't really his home, but his family. His father's care, his mother's love, his brothers' jokes, his sister's energy. What would the extended family say? Oh, he knew fine well most of them would be happy but what of those who were having an actual impact on the family's legacy? The sick, weak cub, coming back to the den? What if he broke down again and needed to come back? He had heard the doctors, he could go home but he had to avoid the areas that stressed him out in the first place. He knew he was still recovering but what if he never recovered? He couldn't spend his life locked away in his parents' home, like some kind of modern male Rapunzel.

"You're so stupid. Rapunzel was held in a tower against her will. You're just a coward."

He tried to imagine his parents' joy when they learnt he could finally go home. He could see his mother buzzing around the house, making sure everything would be fine for him, making calls to ensure the school wouldn't come and bother him with returning. With his grades, he perfectly knew he wouldn't need to return, he'd pass easily. Still he could hear Joffrey's voice, joking that Lancel worked hard and was a homework nerd just so that he could afford being on holidays sooner and the hospital was just for banging vulnerable chicks. He had learnt by Sansa, through a message, that he had indeed made fun of him, for being in a mental institute for his breakdown, stating he was mad and pathetic. His words were greeted with cold stares, people scorning him. Some even told him to shut up. It wasn't funny. If Lancel had needed to go there, they said, it meant his case was serious, perhaps even life threatening, that Joffrey should even be ashamed of himself. No one mocked someone with cancer, so why mock someone whose illness was just as dangerous?

"They didn't do it for me. They did it out of decency."

He sighed. He thought back on his father's suggestion. Perhaps a change of school could do him good. A change of school life, scenary, new people, new friends, starting fresh. But Lancel knew words had the power to spread around quickly, even more when you were born with a famous last name. It would start all over again as soon as they'd understand who he was.

"Lany!"

Janei was running to him, her arms open, wanting him to pick her up and hug her. He knelt, happy to oblige. Put on a good face, he thought. For Janei at least.

"You went here because you put on a good face." His brain reminded him

"Janei, honey, don't scream. Some people here need to rest." Their mother gently scolded her

"Sorry, Mommy. I'm just happy Lany is coming home."

Lancel hugged her tighter. How he wished she knew how her simple words warmed his heart! He had forgotten just how loved he was by his immediate family. He wasn't alone, not as alone as he thought he was.

"Can I have a few minutes?" He asked "I'd like to say goodbye to someone."

Dorna smiled, nodding. Lancel made his way to Arya's room and knocked softly.

"Hey. So, I heard the news. You got a get out of jail card?" She said, smirking

He found himself smiling back, though awkwardly.

"I'll miss our talks." He admitted

He saw her softening.

"As weird as it sounds, me too."

"Sansa has my number, if you want to... Call."

They remained silent until his face lit up.

"Fuck, I almost forgot! I'll be back!"

Two minutes later, he had returned, with a drawing.

"You still didn't tell me what you wanted, but I felt it could make you wait until you have an idea." He explained

She discovered herself as a swordsman, in black and white. She was a bit younger,. She had messy hair. It was falling on her shoulders and the part that had been pulled back from the birth of her forehead to the back of her skull was style into a ponytail that blended with the gentle waves she had. She noticed Lancel had remembered she was left handed, she was carrying her wooden sword in her left hand, apparently for practice, judging by her concentrated yet relaxed expression. She was wearing an large blouse like top, dark breeches, a belt and some kind of heavvy protective skirt that fell on top of her knees. She had boots on. She assumed the background was King's Landing. Arya Stark as he saw her if they had lived back at the birth of the third century after Aegon's Conquest. She wondered how much time he took. She was amazed by the traits, their softeness, how detailled it was. But what touched her were all the details. He had cared enough to remember what she liked, what she looked like, she could feel there was, behind those pencils traits, a real job of researches.

"I love it." She said softly, cleary touched, almost moved. "This is amazing. Thank you."

"I still owe you something. You said you'd find an idea."

"You and me."

He looked confused.

"You and me here, talking our hearts out. I want to remember our time here, when we realized we were more alike than we thought. I want to remember to look past things. I want to remember that life can be weird but also hella great."

"Someone loves Chloe Price."

He smiled.

"Deal then. I'll see what I can do."

"I'm happy you can go home."

"Promise me to tell me when you go home too."

It was weird, he thought, how he could almost call Arya a friend. He hoped their relationship could go further these walls.

"Now, I owe you something. For this drawing."

"It's a gift."

"So is your talent. Never forget that."

 _XXXXX_

When Lancel faced his home, he had never expected to see what was forming under his eyes. Tywin was there, waiting.

"I can't stay for long." He told Kevan

"Not even for a cup of coffee?"

"As much as I'd like to, sadly no. I just wanted to see my nephew before."

It surprised Lancel. His uncle looked as stern as ever.

"You look better." He stated

"I feel a bit better, yes." Lancel replied

Tywin only nodded.

"That's good. Welcome home, Lancel."

Lancel found himself genuinely and happily smiling at the man, who quickly patted his shoulder before leaving. During dinner, they learnt that he had almost missed his plane for an important meeting. True, there was another one shortly after but the information waltzed in Lancel's head.

Tywin had come all the way to his home just to greet him, making sure he was okay, before leaving.

And this wasn't expected of him.

He had done it because he felt like it.

Because he cared.

Maybe, just maybe, his uncle had seen how hard he had tried and was happy with his efforts.

Or maybe it was simply because he liked him.

Either way, it warmed his heart.

As Janei asked him a bedtime story, Lancel though that Glinda, the good witch was right:

There was no place like home.

 **To Be Continued**


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different - Lancel**

 **Chapter 11**

Lancel sighed as he got up to open the windows of his room, letting fresh air invade the place. This day, his parents were having their usual gathering with the whole family: his uncle Tywin, his aunt Genna, his many cousins and their own families, with spouses and children. While he wanted to see Myrcella, Tommen and Tyrek again, to see his aunt Genna, he couldn't bear the idea of having to pretend to be okay with those who assumed he was overreacting to his issues. He didn't want to have to be the better person, the grown up. Among those who mocked him, there were adults. He was eighteen true, but in many regards, he was still just a child. They were old enough to be a parent to him and they treated him like he was faking.

"I can't let Mom and Dad face all of this for me..." He thought

He opened his wardrobe, ready to pick an outfit, when his father knocked.

"You can put those back." He said, looking at the jeans Lancel had taken out

Lancel was confused. Was the gathering off?

"There is no way your mother and I are putting you through the humiliation of being a good relative to those who didn't return the same curtesy."

After a few seconds of blank, not believing his ears, after having quickly hoped he could get away with it, the young man spoke.

"That wouldn't be fair on the people who supported me."

"Genna had suggested for us to cancel the whole thing off."

Kevan felt pain, seeing the surprise on his son's face, the mere idea that someone cared surprised him. How could he have missed how unwell his child was?

"And I assume Cersei thought it would have been babying me." Lancel ended

"Pretty much. Be honest, son. Do you want to attend? And before you answer, I want you to answer me with your heart, not your brain."

Lancel looked at him in the eyes.

"I'd rather stay in my room."

His father nodded.

"Then, it's settled. And don't worry about the people who like you you'll miss, we'll host something for your return, with only the ones who loved you and cared for you during your time away."

Lancel had a small laugh, puzzling Kevan.

"I'll be like Harry Potter, remaining in my room, pretending I don't exist."

"Skip the not existing part and yes, you could make a new Harry."

Leaving, Kevan smiled. It felt so good, joking around with Lancel again! He had missed those friendly banters, having his son around.

He'd let no one take him away ever again.

 _XXXXX_

"Lancel isn't here? How sad. We had hoped to see the recovering boy." Cersei said with a smile

Despite being her aunt, Dorna wanted to smack it out of her, knowing perfectly well she didn't care one bit, still remembering her words, the words she let her eldest son say. She kept her friendly facade, however.

"Despite being home, Lancel still have some heavy medications that make him very sleepy or dozing off. He didn't want to make any of you worried or shocked at his appearance. He knows how sensitive some of us here can be." She explained, her voice remaining soft

Kevan bit the inside of his cheek to avoid smirking. He loved it when Dorna threw shade. She rarely did it, due to her kind nature but when she did, it was priceless. The insulted person didn't recognize it and went on, burying herself in her stupidity. He noticed Genna's smile, looking at Dorna with pride. Cersei seemed about to reply, bugged by the reply, but was cut short by her father:

"We wouldn't want to bother Lancel who is still recovering. I'm already happy he still thought of our wellbeing while trying to rest. It tells a lot on his character. Kevan, give him my regards."

Kevan nodded, glad and relieved Tywin stepped in. It was silly, he knew, to feel this way. He was a grown man, capable of defending himself, however whenever Tywin stepped in to help, when noticing a hand would be welcomed, he felt that relief that came along with the pleasant warmness of knowing his big brother was there for him, like he had always been. Genna went near him, speaking in a low voice:

"When my little pumpkin feels good enough, I'll have a party at my place. With the people who cared only."

"Do you ream minds?"

"We think the same way. Some people's presence here is distasteful. I'm glad Lancel didn't have to put with them. He's here to recover, not to fall even sicker."

On these words, she left to congratulate Willem on his new girlfriend, who happened to be one of her nieces by marriage.

 _XXXXX_

Lancel hadn't expected to fall asleep so quickly after laying in his bed, so he surprised himself, finding himself woken up by a buzzing phone. He could hear the party, yet it seemed his medication was still quite strong. He grabbed the object, seeing it was Sansa. He looked at her text.

 _So sorry I didn't write sooner, with Arya coming home, life has been super busy! I am so so happy you have been allowed to go home! With your permission, I'll give your number or your mail to Arya, she is still so amazed by the portrait you made of her! Mom and Dad share our joy!_

"Someone seems happy." Kevan said as he was coming with a tray of food

The sight of his son, smiling so widely without knowing it, his eyes glowing with happiness, warmed his heart. He looked like the boy on the family pictures.

"It's an amazing feeling, isn't it? To know that people actually care about you. Even strangers." Lancel replied, in a low but soft voice

"It is." Kevan said

"How is it going downstairs?"

"Tywin made Cersei close her mouth and your mother's shade skills are as strong as ever."

Lancel started to chuckle, trying his best not to laugh his heart out. How Kevan had missed that sound!

"Your aunt wants to throw a party for you when you feel ready for it, with only people who were supportive."

His son looked at his desk, where he stored his drawing gear and painting tools.

"If the doctor allows it, I'll go to the store, I'll need way more supplies if I want to thank all the people who were nice to me."

"I'll go for you tomorrow after work." He offered

"Then, I'll give you the money."

"Forget it."

His son seemed confused.

"If you want to draw again, it means it's helping you. It's therapy. As long as you are under my roof, you won't pay for your medicine."

"Thanks, Dad."

Kevan left and Lancel replied to Sansa:

 _Hi! No worries at all! That's already very kind of you to message me! Arya is out?! That's amazing, I'm so happy for her! Tell her I haven't forgotten what she asked me! Also, if you liked the drawing I made, I could try and make you in the same style, I have not drawn in so long, I want to practice again, so don't hesitate to ask! Give my regards to your parents, as well as my thanks. I share their joy upon Arya's return and be assured my parents join me in that feeling._

It felt so good, having so many ideas, so many projects buzzing in his head again!

For the first time in months, Lancel knew how it felt, living without the nagging feeling in his head that he was worthless.

 **To Be Continued**


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 12**

Facing the door, Sansa felt many things. She wondered why she was so surprised by Lancel's house. Was it because it looked like any other house of the neighborhood, with no clear indication of the family's wealth? If anything, it was a a bit bigger and larger, but it was easily explained by a family of six, with a husband, a wife, their four children, going from young adulthood to toddlerhood. And having a built pool was affordable nowadays for everyone who saved some money for such a project. She had expected an old mansion, something extravagent, because Lannisters were known for their pride. Yes, the house seemed old due to its structure, but it was well kept and modernized enough for it to be safe by modern standards and to avoid spoiling its vintage charm.

"I'm so stupid... Kevan Lannister is known for being discrete and his wife even more so."

She also wondered why she was standing there in the first place. It wasn't her place. She had no legitimacy, ringing this bell. Arya was more suitable for this visit. She and Lancel had some kind of bond from the asylum. She was just her sister. And the fact that they had talked once when she visited her sister didn't make her suitable for this. Yet, she had felt this strange yearn to visit him, to make sure he was okay.

"When Arya goes back to school, she'll have friends to welcome her. Lancel, I'm not so sure... Tyrek doesn't attend the same school. And while relatives are important, they aren't friends, it's a different bond after all..."

Taking a a short breath, she gathered her courage and rang. Dorna opened. Sansa knew Dorna, at least she knew what she looked like, having met her while she was still dating Joffrey. The woman's face lit up seeing her.

"Sansa! What a surprise!" She greeted with a warm smile "How can I help you?"

"Hello, Mrs Lannister." Sansa replied shyly. "I... I was hoping to visit Lancel, if he can receive visitors that is..."

The woman's smile only got brighter.

"That's so kind of you! He'll be very happy, I'm sure of it. Come with me!"

Sansa was taken to the gardens, where Lancel was sitting in a long chair, several drawing tools near him. Apparently, he was taking a short break. He seemed to have regained some weight, his cheeks weren't as hollow as they used to be and they had some colours.

"Lancel, sweetie, you have a visitor." Dorna announced softly

He turned to meet her gaze and Sansa could see the shock and surprise, as well as the confusion on his face.

"I'll leave you two be, I'm around if you need me."

Dorna left the two of them alone in an awkward silence. It was only after a mere second that Lancel snapped out of his state and offered her to sit down.

"I... I have to say... I'm surprised to see you here."

As her face was unreadable, he quickly added:

"Not that I mind, of course. I... I'm glad you're here. Apart from family members, no one really came."

He had tried to phrase it as a joke, with a small chuckle at the end, but she could hear how uncomfortable he was, and deep down, how lonely he could feel. No one deserved that. Especially not someone who admitted his mistakes, apologized and tried to make things better.

"How is Arya?" He immediately asked

She smiled, touched he still cared, even after they got out.

"She's getting there, I believe. She smiles more at least. And she had your drawing framed. She absolutely loves it!"

He had a wide smile, touched and she could see a hint of pride in his eyes.

"Then, I'd like your honest opinion on something."

She nodded. He took a canvas he had on the side and passed it to her, after telling her it was okay if she touched paint, it was dry.

"I still need to work some shades here and there, but if you have suggestions."

She looked at the painting, amazed. Arya and him were sitting on a bench in the gardens of the mental home they were in and it was as if she was in front of them as they were talking. Th environment looked like what she could remember of it. She liked that the colours for the place were neutral, tending on the cold side, while the two characters had warmer yet still soft colours, creating a contrast between the sad place and the healing process between the two patients. They seemed surrounded by a discrete light. Everything was sober, soft, apparently simple and yet with so many thoughts and so much work put into it.

"Arya will love it so much... I know I do. You could be a pro."

He kept smiling, though he didn't reply. The door behind them opened before they could add anything and a young girl appeared, reaching for Lancel, a hair elastic in hand.

"Lany, my braid got loose!" She complained

"Janei, your brother has a guest." Her mother gently scolded

The girl turned to Sansa, smiling brightly.

"Hello!"

"Hello, Janei. I'm Sansa." Sansa smiled

"It's okay, Mom. It will take only a minute." Lancel said

Sansa watched as Lancel helped his sister with her hair, being surprisingly good at hairstyling. Once he was done, she thanked him and went back inside.

"I didn't know you had a sister. Brothers, yes, but sister no."

She saw him beaming like she had never seen him do before.

"The twins are my pride, but Janei is my joy."

She realized, at that moment, just how much Lancel was like her. The first child of his gender ( and in his case, the first child to be born from his parents' marriage ) to his parents, born in a home where the parents loved each other and still did to this day, with two little brothers, a little sister, with a silver spoon in his mouth, in a famous family. Both of their fathers were the second sons of their grandfathers, both their fathers had siblings and the same number of brothers and of sisters. Both had married the eldest daughters of business partners. Both of their mothers had the same amount of brothers and sisters too. He too had never known anything else but his golden, sweet bubble before. He had been raised surrounded by love and all he had to do was being healthy, grow up well, until the expectations came in. And from what she knew, they had a common vision of life, perhaps a bit old fashioned, still believing in knights and fair maidens, in the Seven Gods, being proper, true little lords and ladies. Lancel was almost a male version of her. That was scary, in a way.

"You know, my offer still stands." His voice almost starttled her

"What offer?" She asked, confused

"What I had written you."

"Only if you feel up to it. Though I have to say, I'm curious as how I'd look like as a maiden from 300 AC."

"Northener style or King's Landing style?"

"I'll let you decide. I can even come and pose for you."

She remained silent for a few seconds, realizing what she had just said and blushed. He gently laughed.

"Don't worry, I get it. Besides, you'll be able to give me all the gossip."

When Sansa came home that night, she couldn't understand why she felt so hurt when she remembered all that Lancel went through.

What was even more confusing was why she felt so warm inside at the idea they'd see each other again very soon.

 **To Be Continued**


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 13**

Sitting in his booth, Lancel wondered if he didn't scare anybody around. He was certain he looked out of place and odd. Or like a medicated boy, which was accurate actually. He cursed the doctors, who claimed he needed to go out. Nothing new under the sun, he knew he needed to go out. He also knew he wasn't ready for that at all. He was sitting there, trying to enjoy what used to be his favourite tea, but he felt unable to feel even the smallest joy in smelling that delicate scent. He felt too weak, too awkward, too out of place, too exposed. He felt as if all eyes were on him, when he perfectly knew they weren't, ready to jump at his throat and eat him alive. It had started well though, visiting the shop he was a regular in, buying crafty stuff for him. But now, he felt like a little boy, scared, yearning to call his mom and dad for help. While he was eighteen. How pathetic. His aunt Genna had had a funny yet true statement. Her sons, while she loved them dearly, complained like babies and while being full grown adults, they acted like they needed her to wipe their asses and change their diapers. She put them back in place, reminding them of him, their baby cousin, who faced way more hardships than them already, had faced them alone, wiping his behind and changing his diapers alone. While, in his case, most people would have understood him asking Mom and Dad to help him with that. Because he was ill. He didn't have to feel ashamed by how he felt, because how he felt indicated the evolution of the illness and of the cure. Still, it didn't make his shame vanish and he found himself more and more tempted to call home and ask for someone to pick him up.

"Damn, don't go around having a panic attack, on top of all of your issues..." He thought

"Lancel?"

Starttled, he looked around, trying to find where his name came from. Arya was there. Accompanied by Sansa and Gendry. He knew Gendry, or at least, he knew who he was based on a few datas he had. Robert's son but not Cersei's. Arya looked better than the last time he saw her. Her cheeks had regained weight and colours. She looked tired, maybe, but she didn't look desperate anymore. He was glad.

"Oh, hey... I... I'm surprised to see you."

Gosh, he sounded pathetic!

"Us too..." Sansa replied, her voice soft and warm

"Are you alone?" Gendry asked "You can join us if you want."

Lancel wondered why Gendry made such an offer, it wasn't as if they were close. They barely knew each other. He assumed Arya had told him about him, yet it didn't really explain this extended kind hand. He decided to agree. And seeing Arya a bit starttled by how quick this was escalating, he vowed to remain silent, or at least, not talk too much. For her sake. He had to admit, being in a group was easier. It felt comfier.

"So, Lancel, how have you been since we talked that day?" Sansa asked

"I'm pretty good, getting there." He smiled "Oh, the picture you asked me to do for you... I've almost finished it."

"Oh, getting a portrait done, Sansa?" Arya questionned, surprised

"Well, I liked the one Lancel did of you, so I asked him if he could do the same. How's the other one you are doing for Arya?"

Arya's eyes sparkled with excitement.

"It's nearly done, should hopefully finish it in the next few days."

Seeing Gendry's puzzled face, the sisters told him the full story and praising his skills. He felt a bit uncomfortable, but he knew that, this time, it was due to his personality, not the illness he fought. Arya went as far as showing Gendry a picture she took of the drawing he had made, making the young man praise him even more. It was weird, he thought, but he wasn't scared anymore, or at least, not as much as he was. He felt accepted too. Feeling accepted was almost as comforting as the feeling of someone caring for you.

The small smile on his lips, despite his obvious tiredness, was all his parents needed to know about him having a good day.

 **To Be Continued**


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 14**

Sansa had seemed off when they had talked on Messenger the previous day. And it wasn't like her. Lancel didn't know her prefectly, but he knew enough to understand something was off. Sansa was always so talkative, using emojis, stickers and gifs! She had answered, but her messages lacked that touch of hers. The idea of calling had been in his mind for almost twelve hours but something always held him back. They weren't really friends. They got on well and seemed to bond, true, but they weren't friends per say. Also, perhaps Sansa wanted to be left alone. Maybe she didn't want to talk about it. Maybe she didn't because it wasn't his business and she was right, it definitely wasn't. But he had that nagging feeling she wasn't okay. He decided to send a text, that was a good compromise.

 _You seemed a bit off yesterday, hope you are well._

He didn't develop much, not wanting to invade her privacy. He almost jumped, starttled, when he heard his phone ringing almost two minutes later. A phone call. Not a text reply. A phone call. Sansa's number.

"Hi?" He said

"Lancel..."

Her voice was low, teary and broken, making his worries grow stronger. What on Earth had happened?! Was Arya okay?

"Sansa... You... Are you okay?" He asked before thinking it was obvious she wasn't and that he was a bloody idiot.

For a reason he couldn't understand, her voice was breaking his heart. It physically hurt him and made his chest twist to hear her so desperate. He then wondered when he became so fond of her, when he grew to care so much about her. He yearned to help her but what could he do? What could he even say?

"No... I... Gods..."

"Is Arya okay? Has she...?"

He didn't dare finish his words.

"She's fine, it's... It's so complicated..."

Lancel felt this was huge. Too huge to be talked about on the phone. And Sansa needed some cheering up too, some time away to just relax and rest.

"Hey." He started. "If you want, you can come over, I'm home alone right now, it'd be easier, maybe?"

"Won't your family mind?"

"Mom and Dad will be okay with learning that you came over to visit while they were away, unless you are actually a drug dealer in disguise."

He heard her chuckling and found himself smiling in return, and his aching had stopped.

"If you're sure... Then I'm on my way."

After hanging up, Lancel got up from his bed and decided to check the house. There was bound to lemon cakes somewhere in the kitchen.

He loved them just as much as she did.

 _XXXXX_

Sansa had never looked so miserable and when Lancel opened the door, for one moment, he thought he saw himself back when he was about to go to the asylum. She was pale, her eyes watery, puffy and red, and it was clear she hadn't been sleeping well. They sat in the living room, and as soon as Lancel offered her a cup of hot tea, rain started to fall down and crash hardly on the windows.

"You're lucky you arrived in time." He noted

"You have no idea how lucky I am and how undeserving of that lucky I am."

He didn't reply, knowing all too well his words would either hurt her more or not do anything to help right now. He simply passed the cake plate and sat next to her, ready to listen.

"As you might know... Arya and I have always had a rocky relationship. We are just so different. So of course, it crashes. But our parents, especially our dad, always insisted on us being sisters, that family had to stick together. Even if modern ones now, we're still wolves and wolves do better in pack. We grew and we managed to tolerate each other, sometimes even have some true moments."

Lancel only nodded.

"A few months ago, our issues came back, but so much stronger! I'm part of the reason Arya felt the need to... End it all."

She had struggled with the last words.

"We were played against one another. Someone sought to disturb our family's peace. And I was just too stupid to even realize that I was, I let that person tell me what I wanted to hear and not what I needed to hear, because I'm just a vain and horrible person!"

"Sansa."

Lancel's voice had been calm, but firm as he took her hand.

"Whoever played you is to blame."

"I let him do it..."

"Was he an adult?"

"Yes?"

"Then he is even more at fault. You and I are still young. We are still teenagers. We may be of age but to say we're adults would be preposterous. That guy had the advantage of the experience and age gap."

"I have a brain... I made my own bed."

"Undo it and make it again."

"It's too late for that..."

"It's never too late. Especially for family."

She had never heard his voice so sure, he seemed so confident, to believe in what he was saying with every fiber of his being.

"Who did that?" He asked

"Petyr Baelish..."

He took a sip of tea, he found it way more correct for him to do so than to make any face.

"Then, you're one hundred percent innocent even more. Baelish is a manipulator. He doesn't care about anyone but himself. He used the advantages he had over you: he is older than you, he's an adult, he's an excellent schemer, he's talented with words and he used to be a family friend. You had every reason to trust someone who was raised with your mother and whom your mother had fraternal affection for."

Seeing she wasn't convinced, he decided to change her mind, showing her the portrait of Arya and him, finally done.

"It looks beautiful."

"I started the drawings you asked as well."

She took one of them and found herself in the ancestral castle of her aunt Lysa. Her hair was down, two braids coming from her temples and joining in the back of her skull being the only fantasy she wore. She was kneeling in the snow, covered by a large cloak with fur. A soft smile on her face as she was building a snowy Winterfell.

"This is amazing! Lancel, you truly have a talent for that!"

"I just like to draw."

When Kevan and Dorna came home with the twins and Janei, if they were surprised to see Lancel on the sofa, teaching a girl how to play a RPG, they hid it well, but the smile they had when their children cheerfully greeted them was too hard to conceal.

 _XXXXX_

 _I had a great time and talking with you helped me, I feel so much better now! Thank you!_

Lancel smiled silently as he replied to Sansa's message, deep in the darkness of his room at night, in bed, about to try and sleep. For some reason, knowing he could help her made him feel like a king. And that was kind of weird. To be proud to have helped a friend, yes it could happen, but to feel that proud? And the fact that he ached for her? Also, when she looked about to cry earlier and that he had a nagging urge to hug her close? That desire to make sure she'd never cry again? It suddenly struck him, like a slap in the face.

Sansa wasn't a friend.

Sansa wasn't a crush either.

He had actual feelings for her.

And he had no rights to even dare hope that they'd be mutual.

He had made her miserable in the past. He helped Joffrey. Yes, they were okay now but after what he had done, her friendship was way more than he deserved. And there was no way she'd actually return his feelings in the first place. A question he hadn't asked himself since he had returned home came back into his head:

Was he allowed to be happy while alive?

"Yes." He thought. "Yes, I am. But not the way people are. I'm too twisted for that anyway. I'll remain in the friendzone, where I belong. That's more than I deserve and that's too good for me, still that's where I belong."

 **To Be Continued**


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 15**

Facing Lancel's house, Sansa felt the same stress she had when she had come over for the first time after he had gotten home. Oh, she knew she was pretty much welcomed here, Dorna adored her and Kevan was all too happy to see his son having a friend visiting. And Lancel himself would appreciate the visit. But the reason she was here in the first place would most certainly disturb the peace he had managed to rebuild.

"How could I have been so blind?" She wondered "I felt so much for him after we talked when he was still at this asylum. It took me so long to realize something so obvious: I have feelings for him."

If she was honest with herself, she always had a crush on Lancel. Oh, Joffrey came first but she always thought of Lancel as a charming, polite man, some kind of knight lost in the new world. Then, there was Joffrey's hell, something Lancel took part in, whatever his reasons were, he had paid enough for them. Heck, he actually was the only one from Joffrey's group to properly apologize for his participation in her torments.

"Torment, well, to be truthful, he simply repeated what Joffrey told, when asked. He never really seemed to enjoy it, hence why he was a bit over the top sometimes."

She remembered how horrified she was when she learnt he had to be hospitalized because of a nervous breakdown. She remembered blaming herself for not really seeing how similar they were. And after they had connected, she had often found herself thinking of him, wishing he was better, actually yearning to see him happy, because he'd be even more handsome if he was. Once, she had a nightmare when she was told that, in a peak of his despair caused by his illness, he had successfully taken his life. She had woken up when presented with his corpse and the fear and agony she had felt then, she could still feel them in her blood, they seemed all too real.

She realized that she was actually in love with him.

It was ironic, she knew, to break up with an abusive man to fall in love with his cousin once removed, around his age, having all the family traits her ex shared, a man who helped him in her misery.

"But Lancel admitted he was wrong. It ate him up. He knows he did wrong, he apologized to me, he was the only one and he wasn't the worst in the bunch, he was actually the most decent."

When Joffrey had mocked her for her talents in needlework, Lancel had told him it was a good thing she knew how to do that. It had come naturally to him and she suspected it was because his own mother had the same passion. Joffrey had glared and Lancel had stood his ground, even managing to turn it into something Joffrey would agree with:

"I mean, don't you want a domestic little wife, at home, raising your children, able to mend your clothes? It's her place after all."

Knowing him like she knew him now, it certainly burnt his tongue to say that, because she knew how he was actually involved in feminist causes. And back then, if it had starttled her, Lancel taking her side, it had meant the world to her and it made her understand that maybe Lancel wasn't with Joffrey out of pleasure.

"Thanks." She had said once Joffrey was gone.

"Don't mention it." He had smiled. "I like what you cross stitch."

Returning to reality, she sighed.

"Come on girl, the worst you are risking is the friendzone, Lancel isn't the type of guy who would mock a girl for confessing to him."

It had happened once or twice at school and Lancel had always let them down gently. The first girl, it was because he was dating Amerei Frey and he didn't want to cheat on her because he liked her. The second one tried when he was freshly single and had understood when he said he didn't feel like being in a relationship right now, and he was kinda old fashioned in that regard, he wanted to get to know a girl first before dating her. Both had understood.

Sansa rang the bell and was welcomed by a smiling Dorna.

"Lancel is in the garden." She said when she entered

She found him sitting on the patio, enjoying the sun and reading. She noticed he had started to read about philosophy again.

"Hey there." She greeted

He had the warmest smile.

"Hey. How are you?"

She sat by his side.

"I'm far better, thanks."

On the table, there was a small bowl of gummy bears, his favourite candies. If he was out in the sun, reading what he liked and treating himself some sweets, he was definitely getting better.

"Is it hard to read?" She asked

"Kind of. But that's the challenge. Uncle Tywin sent it to me."

He seemed a bit surprised when he explained and Sansa could understand. Tywin was actually abroad for business, still he thought of his nephew. He remembered what his nephew liked and took time from an already overbooked schedule to send him something for him to enjoy. It was the man's way to show he cared, and that was sweetly and oddly touching.

"How's Arya?"

"She's way better. She has a lord love now."

"Really?!"

His surprise, then excitement with his bright smile and genuine happiness made him look so cute. It touched her to think he shared Arya's happiness.

"I'm so happy for her! It's a good thing, if she allows herself to love!"

Sansa only nodded, smiling, taking a candy when Lancel passed the bowl to her.

"Lancel..." She started "I have something I have to tell you."

She sounded a bit unsure and she could see him being concerned. She slapped herself mentally for that.

"It isn't really easy..."

"Then, be blunt. That's how my dad confessed to my mom."

She had a small giggle.

"Okay then."

She looked at him in the eyes.

"I love you."

He seemed puzzled at first, as if the idea of her loving him was something strange or impossible. Then, she saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. Maybe he didn't, she thought, and that was okay, but he didn't want to cause her any pain.

"Sansa, I..."

She smiled gently at him.

"I do too..."

She already felt her heart jumping in her chest.

"But..."

Why was there a but?

"I can't be with you. Not after what I have done to you. I don't deserve you."

He was still upset at himself for what had happened, she realized.

"And that's exactly why he deserves me more than anyone. He knew he messed up and he wants me to have someone who'd never mess up." She thought

It looked painful for him to say all this.

"Lancel." She said "If you don't like this, you can push me away and I apologize in advance for this."

He seemed confused before his eyes widened in shock. Sansa was kissing him. Despite everything, Sansa was choosing him. Sansa had given him a second chance already and she trusted him enough with her own heart, confident he wouldn't let her down and break it. He felt all of his worries melting down and disappearing from his mind, replaced by relief, warmth and the feeling of something absolutely right. He closed his eyes, enjoyed the moment and returned her embrace softly, unaware that his parents had seen them. Kevan took Dorna by the shoulder and they shared a smile:

If Lancel was actually allowing himself to love, then it was certain he was also allowing himself to live happily.

Nothing made them happier that day.

 **To Be Continued.**


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 16**

Facing his mirror, Lancel sighed, making his brothers laugh gently. Martyn was reading a book and Willem, laying on his eldest's bed, was training his pokemon team.

"Don't tell me you don't have anything to wear, I won't believe you." The gamer teased

"That's the thing, I have clothes but I don't know what to wear." Lancel replied "I don't even understand why the Starks invited me to their gathering in the first place."

Willem looked at him with a weird expression on his face.

"Don't tell me you forgot you might be a potential son-in-law for them? You are dating their daughter." He said

"And you are a special friend for Arya too." Martyn added "You helped her and supported her when they couldn't while you two were... Away. Just be yourself. That's how Sansa loves you, that's how Arya likes you, and that's how you are the best."

He went for a simple dark blue sweater with a few large red stripes, the said stripes being in the middle of thin white ones, some black jeans and brown ranger boots, and a wacth. He looked at the clock. He still had time to take with him Arya's painting, Sansa's drawings and even to go to the floral shop.

It wasn't polite to go to a house, invited, and not bring flowers to the lady of the house, and it was being a complete dick not treating your girlfriend with a pretty rose as well.

 _XXXXX_

Catelyn had beamed when Lancel handed her a small bouquet, made of flowers with only the colours of her old family's sigil. She was touched and it made her realize just how observant Lancel could actually be. And how sweet it was of him, to bring Sansa a single but thornless blue rose.

"You didn't pick red?" Arya teased

"Sansa is from the North. Plus, it matches her eyes." He smirked

Yes, he definitely was someone who cared about details, remembering the roses of Winterfell.

"Our guests should arrive shortly, make yourself at home." Catelyn offered

Lancel sat between the Stark sisters and offered them their commissions. Arya was completely mesmerized by the painting.

"Lancel, this is perfect..." She whispered

"I'm glad you like it."

"Did you make this?" A male voice said

Raising his eyes, he met Jon, having arrived with his girlfriend Ygritte. Jon kinda intimidated him. While he was quite taller than Jon, Jon was very charismatic and his serious face and manners reminded him of his uncle Tywin. Ygritte seemed to be his opposite. As fiery as he was dark, she always had a smile on her lips. Her free folk's roots gave her an exotic aura too.

"Damn, you are good!" She said

"Ygritte's right, it's really good!"

"What's good?" Another voice came

Eddard Stark was joining them.

"Lancel's painting he has made for Arya!" Sansa cheered

Eddard took a look at it and seemed moved for a moment before his natural calm took over.

"You have a gift, Lancel. Have you ever considered turning this gift into a job?"

"I don't think I'd be very successful."

"Don't be so modest. It's really impressive. I think I can speak for all of us here, the Stark family would definitely support you."

"I think I can already give you some paid commissions." Cat joked

Lancel smiled. It was weird, but he almost felt home. To be so accepted by Sansa's family as Sansa's lover and Arya's friend, it was heartwarming. They were soon joined by the rest of the guests, ready to enjoy a home cooked dinner.

 _XXXXX_

Lancel couldn't help grinning looking at Arya. Her banters with Gendry, how she ate, Sansa was right, Life was slowly returning to her and it just was so great to see it. He had seen her so low, so to see her glow like that, it was a gift.

"She and Willem would get along just fine, they have that same wild spirit." He thought

While he didn't talk much, he loved listening around. How Talisa and Robb already spoke of having children, how Ygritte and Meera seemed to bond over their common passion: archery, the banters between siblings, the love between the parents...

"You finished your book?" Sansa asked him

A bit starttled at first, he nodded.

"What book?" Arya asked

"A book my uncle Tywin sent me from Pyke."

It was weird for them, he knew, to imagine a man like Tywin Lannister doing something like that.

"Never thought I'd say that of Tywin Lannister, but that's kinda cute." She said

"It's nice that your uncle thinks of you and cares for you." Jon added

He shared a smile with Eddard, who patted his shoulder.

"You should come and visit us more often, Lancel. We mean it." Catelyn gently told him

Yes, the Starks' home almost felt like home.

 _XXXXX_

Sansa had offered him to watch the full moon from her garden. He knew it was a way for him to be out of the spotlight for a moment and breeze. She knew how hard it could still be for him, these big reunions. Sitting by her side, he didn't need to say a word, neither did she, they understood each other perfectly. He wondered how they managed to do that, how their bond allowed them to reach that level of intimacy already. His hand was holding hers.

"Hey. Hope I'm not interrupting."

Arya was there and when she asked him how he felt, he smiled.

Yes, knowing that people cared was one of the most wonderful feelings out there in the world.

 **To Be Continued**


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 17**

Sitting in the car, Lancel looked at the school with a wave of stress hitting his guts. It had been months. And with his grades, he knew he'd pass, even with his long time away. The doctors said he had to go back. Sansa had been sweeter. She suggested the idea he could come back, if he felt like it, and she'd love to attend school with him. He had to admit that the idea of him, accompanying Sansa to school, hand in hand, had its appeal. Yet, despite all of his good will, once parked near the building, he felt the courage he had built up crumble at the bottom of his feet. He thanked the Seven it was only his father and him in that car. The twins had started earlier. He didn't want his brothers to see yet another breakdown from him.

"We can go back home if it is too soon." Kevan said

Lancel was a bit starttled, as he had been lost in his thoughts. His father, once again, had seemed able to read his mind. He tried to smile and shook his head.

"I'll have to go back eventually. The longer I wait, the harder it'll get. I can't run away forever."

A voice similar to Arya's in his head told him that people who went to school but got home shortly after because their gastroenteritis were starting round two weren't called cowards. He was ill too. But deep down, Lancel knew that it wasn't the building itself that frightened him. What scared him to death was what people were going to say once they'd see him. They all knew he went to an asylum. They all knew why. And he knew rumours were certainly going on about him. He didn't feel strong enough to face their whispers, their laughs. He also knew the teachers would play the concerned people in front of him, only to mock him behind his back. It had happened before.

"As you wish." Kevan sighed "But if it isn't going well for you, you call. And if the teachers have anything to say against it, they'll hear me roar, believe me."

Lancel grinned, making his father smile. Kevan remained parked, watching as Lancel entered the school. His son was definitely one of the strongest people he knew. Not in a conventional way, still he was. Had he been in his shoes, he knew he would have definitely taken the chance to skip the rest of the year. He set his phone on loud, but he was certain it would not ring. Lancel had something precious to help him: he had friends.

 _XXXXX_

When Sansa saw Lancel, at first, she could not believe her eyes. Lancel was here, he was back. Her heart jumped in joy in her chest as she ran to him. She had almost jumped in his arms and he had catch her like he expected it to happen. The words whispered around him because of the reason of his absence turned into whispers about his love life. When did he and Sansa become a thing?

"Wow, easy there, I'm not that desperate for a Lannistark nephew." Arya joked as she approached them.

Lancel only smiled.

"Welcome back." She added

"Thanks. You too."

"I've talked about it to my crew, you are more than welcomed to share lunch with us."

"Thank you."

A chubby teenager came to them. He was out of breath, as if he had run.

"Hot Pie?" Arya asked "What is it?"

"Just got an idea!"

"You can have ideas?"

"Funny. Say, I know that Sansa and Lancel are together. Maybe Sansa wanted to have Lancel with her at lunch? So, what if, for once, our two groups our friends joined? Everyone would enjoy Lancel's presence and it'd be like a huge welcome back party."

Lancel felt touched beyond words. It was a small attention, yet it meant the world. This guy barely knew him but cared enough to think of that. He was Arya's friend, Sansa's boyfriend, and that seemed to be enough for this man to make him the important person of the day, trying to ease both sides.

"You just say that because you want to hang out with hot chicks." Arya joked

"And that too, I have to be completely honest."

"That's a great idea!" Sansa said "But, Lancel, you're okay with this? It could be a huge crowd for a first day?"

"Maybe, but the more the merrier, so bring it."

"I didn't know the school was into charity." A voice exclaimed

Joffrey was facing them from afar, his eyes clearly judging him.

"You've sunk to a new low, _Lany_."

"Only my close friends and the ones I love get to call me that. And you aren't my friend, nor do I love you, _Joff_."

The hall fell silent as everyone realized what was going on. Meek, shy and awkward Lancel, just returned from a mental home, was looking at the school's bully, and his cousin, with such a firm face he looked even taller than he was, he had a newly found charisma and his words had been polite but icy. Even the temperature beyond the Wall wasn't that cold. Lancel had bitten back and Joffrey had definitely not expected that to happen, he had lost his composure.

"You think I care that you love me?"

"Then, if you don't care, why are you so interested in my social life?"

Sansa was looking at her boyfriend with a new love for him. She had never seen that side of him and she had to admit she loved it as much as it actually aroused her.

"Because you're a Lannister and we don't act like fools. Befriending another mad bitch, taking as your lover my leftovers, you are desperate."

Lancel seemed unphased, but what irked Joffrey even more was a simple move from Lancel's hand, that made everyone gasp:

Lancel Lannister was flipping the bird at Joffrey Baratheon.

"With my regards."

On these last words, he and his new friends left. And for some strange reason, he actually felt proud of himself.

 _XXXXX_

Joffrey had complained to his parents. Robert had laughed it off, actually surprised Lancel knew that move. Cersei had called Dorna and Kevan. Dorna let her rant. Kevan actually fuelled the fire by saying that Joffrey certainly deserved it and it was only Justice, after all, it was from him that Lancel learnt that insult. Tywin had said nothing, it was kids drama in his eyes, but he would not deny that he liked the fact that his nephew stood up for himself, for the woman he cared about, for his friends. He was learning, at his pace, how to roar and that was a pleasant thing to know. Lancel had apologized to his parents, after all, they had raised him better than that. Dorna stated Joffrey couldn't understand any other language, so he wasn't being rude, he was being considerate, translating his words into something that would actually understandable for his brain.

"How was your day?" She asked

"Pretty good."

He told her of the lunch he had with his new friends, his girlfriend, the new people he had met, like the Frey sisters. He had felt so accepted, he had felt he was where he belonged and his act against Joffrey had made Arya like him even more. All of that made this first day nice, he hadn't even given any thoughts to the words around him. Yet, if he was adamant on the fact that it had been a good day, he was feeling completely drained of his energy.

He wondered if it hadn't been too soon.

Or too much at once.

That night, he slept as soon as his head hit his pillow.

 **To Be Continued**


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 18**

"So, all the emergency numbers are on the fridge."

Lancel smiled softly. And while his father was giving him the usual speech he gave him when he was away, he knew this one time was special. For the first time since he had come home, he'd be completely home alone. Martyn and Willem were on a field trip, visiting the remains of the Wall and of the old Castle Black. Their father had to attend a meeting with their uncle in Dorne and he was taking Dorna and Janei with him, because Dorna's closest friend was there and it allowed them to reunite. To his surprise, his father didn't seem that worried. Was it because he knew he wouldn't try anything life threatening? He didn't know but the fact that Kevan could read his mind so well was always pleasant. It was heartwarming to be properly understood.

"Also, if you need to contact me for an emergency but I don't pick up, your uncle said all you had to do was call his secretary. He has orders to take any messages from you right away and are to be considered priorities."

If Lancel had needed another proof that his uncle had affection for him, it stood right here and there.

"Thank Uncle Tywin for me. But I'm sure everything will be fine."

"I know it will. But it's my job to be extra careful when it comes to my cubs, even when they will be old and grey. Not that I'd be around to see that."

"Come on Dad. You could be the next Jeanne Calment."

Kevan smirked at the joke.

"Of course, you can have friends over. Arya is more than welcomed, Sansa too. And any friend you made. As long as you don't set the house on fire."

Lancel only smiled in return. How he had missed his banters with his father!

 _XXXXX_

The first day, Lancel felt as if he was new in a place that had seen him grown up ever since he was born. Usually, the house was buzzing with any kind of sound: his mother humming as she cooked, Willem playing some games, Martyn reading to Janei, their father having an important phone call, and even himself, busy with some activity of any kind. He was now alone and the house completely silent. Despite this, it still had this particular warmth. This wasn't a house his father had inherited and restored, helped by his wife. This was a home they built together, hand in hand, their safe haven in an ocean of complication Life could rise. Lancel hoped he'd be able to build such a place one day, with Sansa, if they were still together by then. The sudden change of light made him frown. Heavy and dark clouds were settling in.

"Gotta protect the chickens." Lancel thought

His mother loved gardening and grew her own fruits, vegetables and had her own chicken hoop. But before he could grab his jacket, as the wind outside seemed chilly, the doorbell rang.

"Sansa?" Lancel greeted, surprised as he discovered his girlfriend, her bike near her

"Hi!" She replied, smiling, before noticing his outfit. "Oh, bad timing."

"No, not at all! Come in, it's cold outside. I was just going to put the chickens to safety. Make yourself at home."

Sansa smiled as she let Lancel do his business. He seemed to get better and better with days passing by. She too took a moment to observe the house he grew up in. The style was completely different that the house she grew up in. It was natural, after all, she was from the North. Lancel's parents both came from the West. Still, there was one common point Sansa could never deny: it was a home. She could definitely feel the warmth and love these walls had witnessed, sheltering Lancel's family. She was also completely in love with how the garden looked. She found it sweet how Lancel cared, that he wanted to protect her hard work. A few drops of rain started to fall as Lancel entered.

"I knew it smelled shitty." He confessed "I just hope it won't last."

She smiled.

"Mom learnt that you were home alone for a few days, so she wanted to treat you with something." She said "Of course, she knows you are most certainly packed with more than you need, but still."

She took a plastic bag from her bike's basket. It contained a bottle of homemade tomato soup and a box of lemon cakes.

"Mom always makes too much. She thought you'd like it."

"That's very nice of her, thank you."

Lound thunders disturbed their conversation.

"Well, I guess that me supposed to just drop by isn't a possibility now." Sansa joked

 _XXXXX_

The weather channel had announced a very violent storm and advised people to avoid leaving their homes until it calmed down. Lancel had thought of driving Sansa home until he remembered he was forbidden to drive with the medicine he had to take. He decided to call Sansa's parents so they would not worry.

"Thank God she's with you, safe and sound." Catelyn said

"If the storm is to last, I'll give my room to Sansa. There is no way I'll let her go outside in this weather."

"Thank you, Lancel. We're relieved she is with someone we know."

Lancel realized he forgot to thank her for the soup and cakes when he hung up.

"Looks like you're stuck with me." Sansa joked

A dirty joke came to his mind, he bit his tongue.

"You have a word in mind."

"That is a word no lady should here. I'll arrange the bathroom for you and lend you my room."

"But, where will you sleep?"

"My brothers won't mind if I borrow one of their beds. Is there anything you'd like to eat tonight?"

"Surprise me!"

"And what do you want to do to pass time? Of course, there's Netflix, but I have some board games."

"You know, I do like video games too."

"Really?!"

"There's more to me than what meets the eye."

As Lancel fetched all the necessary items for Sansa to use in the bathroom, he realized something. If they were to stay together, moments like this one could become their daily routine. He had to admit he wanted it to happen.

"Would you like me to help with the cooking?" She asked when he came down "I know it's still early, but it could be fun."

"You're a guest."

"And this is why I'm offering my help."

 _XXXXX_

Cooking with Sansa had been actually relaxing. They had barely talked, focused on their tasks, but it felt good. They had heated up Catelyn's soup, followed by a risotto recipe Lancel learnt from his mother and the lemon cakes had been their last course. They were sitting on the sofa, watching a Riverdale marathon, hot beverages by their sides. Lancel had made some tea for himself, he found out it calmed his nerves. Sansa had wanted hot cocoa and she had declared he made the best cocoa she had ever tasted.

"How do you do it?"

"Chocolate squares I melt in a pot of hot milk with some sugar, cinnamon and a pinch of salt."

"Salt?"

"A little pinch helps in making the chocolate's taste even stronger."

She nestled against him. It felt amazing, being able to hold her so close. He gently kissed her forehead, she sought his lips in return, an embrace he was more than happy to allow. He continued kissing her before they found themselves laying on the sofa. Sansa's eyes were filled with love, with a glimpse of lust. Lancel couldn't deny he wanted it too.

"What is it?" She asked, seeing him worried

"I..." He stuttered "I don't have any protection."

She kissed him gently.

"I'm on the pill."

"And... Only if it's okay with you, of course but... I mean..."

"The sofa's nice but I'm sure your bed is nicer."

He grinned as they went upstairs before they started to reunite their bodies. It was amazing how she was able to understand him, the love he felt for her, he loved her so much! He could feel it in every fiber of his being.

And for the first time in a long time in his life, he didn't doubted he was loved the same way for who he was, and not out of pity.

He loved her and she loved him, for who they were.

 **To Be Continued**


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's french. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 19**

"This is why I'd like to take her there after the trial is over. With your approval, of course."

Catelyn had smiled. Lancel was proving her, once again, just how observent and how careful he could be. The young man had called her, asking her and Ned if he had their permission to take Sansa with him for a few days away, feeling the trial could stress her. And as he pointed it out, he asked for their permission because not only were they Sansa's parents, he was also a boy, and Sansa a girl, he could understand their worries about leaving their teenage daughter alone for days with her boyfriend. This was not like the stormy day, where Sansa had no other choice but to sleep over at his place, unless she wanted to test her luck with the weather.

"This is an amazing idea Lancel. Ned and I give you our blessing. Now, the hardest part will be not telling Sansa, if it's going to be a surprise."

As Lancel hung up, Catelyn smiled at her husband.

If Sansa was to marry Lancel one day, they'd gain a lovely son-in-law.

 _XXXXX_

"Why do I have to pack my bags?" Sansa asked, confused

"You'll see!"

Sansa obeyed, however, she was unsure why she had to pack. They didn't plan any trip, and why was she the only one having to leave? She heard the doorbell ringing and recognized Lancel's voice. Yet another mystery. She knew Lancel would definitely show up one way or another after the trial, but she had assumed he'd call.

"Sansa, are your bags ready?"

She came downstairs. Lancel was smiling at her.

"What's going on?"

Cat laughed.

"What's going on is that you have an amazing boyfriend who is taking you on holidays."

Her face had to be priceless because Arya bursted out laughing. She quickly finished her bags.

 _XXXXX_

Lancel had taken her to Tarth. She still couldn't believe it. Lancel had taken her to Tarth.

"The sapphire isles for your ocean eyes." He had said

That was cheesy, corny and she was loving it. The couple was living in a small summer house, belonging to Brienne's father, who had passed it to his daughter when she had married Jaime. Lancel had talked to his cousin about his idea to cheer Sansa up and make her think of anything else but the trial once it would be over. Brienne had suggested the place when she learnt Lancel had Tarth in mind.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm about to pop and there is no way I can enjoy it after, not for a moment at least. Besides, I know you, you're a good kid. And if Catelyn trusts you with her daughter, I trust you with my house."

The house was located near a small village and Sansa was loving the place. It was like the cottages she had read about in so many Jane Austen's novels. She had always wanted to visit Tarth one day, because the beauty of its isles were reknowned in the whole country. Lancel had turned this dream into reality, because he wanted her to feel better after that horrible trial was over. He had called Arya too, he had made sure she was okay after all of this. But for her, he had done something special, out of love, just because he cared and he wanted to see her smile. She truly was blessed beyond belief.

"Are you happy?" He had asked one day

"The happiest."

They usually spent their days enjoying the landscapes surrounding them. They knew they certainly looked like an old fashioned couple, the two of them sitting somewhere, Lancel doodling, her cross stitching by his side, she didn't care. She adored those moments.

"Do you think we could live here one day?" She asked

"As long as I'm with you, I can live anywhere. But Tarth is a beautiful anywhere."

They had to postpone their trip back home however: in the early hours of the last day of their vacation, Jaime had called Lancel. Sansa turned out to be right:

Brienne had given birth to twins, a boy and a girl named Edwyn and Joanna.

And the teenage couple was to be baby Joanna's godparents. There was no way they'd leave without enjoying this blessing first.

 _XXXXX_

Lancel was unsure how he had to feel. For the first time in month, he was attending one of the family reunions, one with his uncle, his aunts, his cousins, their own children. Of course, Genna had almost squeezed him to death when he arrived, excited to see him again at this kind of event. He was all too happy to see Tyrek, Myrcella, Tommen and Joy. And to an extent, he was glad to see his family, all of his family. But among the members of his clan, he knew some of them didn't share the kindness he had in his heart for them. He wasn't sure if his presence was needed. He basically sat there, eating his meals in silence, ignoring Joffrey's murderous look.

"How is school going Lancel?" Genna sweetly asked "It's so brave of you to try and continue your studies despite your illness."

"It's going okay." Lancel replied. "I don't feel brave though. I just try and end the year with decent grades."

"Do you already have ideas for college?"

"Actually I do."

He sounded so confident he even surprised himself.

"I still need to get informations, of course, but I have a few leads."

"Finance, I'm sure. You've always been good with numbers."

"I like maths, true. But nope."

He could feel all eyes on him and deep down, it scared him. He reminded himself that he was a lion too. And he was loved by a wolf.

"If possible, I'd like to attend an art school."

Joffrey could not hold a mean laugh. Lancel stared.

"Is there anything you'd like to tell me, Joffrey?" He asked

"Okay, so not only you date my leftovers but you want to lose years in a school that will teach you how to be a homeless hobbo, drawing for a few stags?"

"It'd be always better than being in prison."

Joffrey's smirk immediately vanished. Genna hid a laugh out of respect for Cersei. Tywin remained as calm as ever.

"So, what do you want to become?" The patriarch of the Lannister asked

"I'd like to become an artist."

"Do you have any pictures of your work?"

Cersei rose an eyebrow. Surely her father was just being kind to his brother's sick cub. Why would he even bother listening to such a void plan of life if it wasn't the case? Lancel thanked his brain for the reflex he had to take a picture from every drawing, painting he made. He nervously waited as his uncle swiped from pictures to pictures.

"How would you live from your art?" He asked

"I'd create an e-shop where I'd sell my work and do commissions. There are platforms available already."

"You'd have to advertise yourself a lot then."

"I can always take some lectures on being a community manager. Also, I can always attend special events like comic cons, for example. And I wouldn't stick to painting and drawing only. The work already existing can always be turned into other items to sell."

Tywin gave Lancel his phone back.

"I'll give you tips and advices on how to rule a business." He offered

Lancel had a bright smile, one of amazement, as he thanked his uncle, under a somewhat shocked audience.

"You can't be serious, Father." Cersei intervened "Lancel might be good with a pencil but being an artist isn't a true job. He won't make a living out of it. Besides, with his family name..."

"With his family name, he could attract customers who'd be surprised to see that we aren't always about money. Lancel isn't just good with a pencil. I wouldn't want to help if he didn't have what it takes to become what he wants to be."

Lancel went back to his seat, his heart filled with pride. He made a mental note:

He definitely had to make a portrait of his aunt Joanna for his uncle Tywin.

He too, like the true Lannister he was, would pay his debts, even in an unconventional way.

 **To Be Continued**


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimer: Game of Thrones is D&D's property, after being GRRM's property. Or else, Lancel would be the happiest kid in Westeros, should it be mine.

Summary: Bowed, bent and broken, Lancel had tried so hard to be who everyone wanted him to be! But in the darkest of times Life can take some interesting twists.

Author's note: This story is the sister story of Not so different – Arya. Assassin Master Ezio 91 came up with the idea of having this double story, him focusing on his precious Arya, me focusing on my beloved Lancel! Please go check him out!

Author's note 2: English isn't my first language, it's French. If you see any mistake or issue with the language, feel free to tell me so that I can improve.

 **WARNING! THIS FANFICTION CONTAINS MATURE THEMES SUCH AS DEPRESSION, SUICIDE ATTEMPTS, MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES IF THESE TRIGGER YOU, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP THIS FANFICTION. THANK YOU.**

 **Not so different – Lancel**

 **Chapter 20**

Sitting near the fireplace, Lancel watched as the snow fell on the garden, whitening everything around. While he had always loved Christmas, this year, he had feared it. Ever since he had come back from the mental home, he had attended large gatherings, but this one was the biggest. The entire Lannister and Baratheon families were gathered, and Robert had wanted his best friend Ned and his family to attend to. He smiled as he saw Myrcella completely mesmerized by her new cousins. Of all the Lannisters still around, Jaime wasn't the one people saw getting married or having kids, especially when his twin sister had settled down early. Yet, here he was, married, a father.

"They are just so cute!"

Lancel's grin grew wider when he saw that Joanna was wearing the baby dress Sansa had made for her. His girlfriend was made to be a godmother, she had been invested from day one, without stepping in a territory that wasn't hers. He took his phone and quickly texted:

 _Our little Tinkerbell is wearing quite the designer dress. It's a Sansa Stark haute couture._

Her emoji reply made him smile.

"Man, you really are in love." Joffrey stated as he arrived

Lancel's smile didn't fade.

"Yes. Yes, I am."

His eyes couldn't betray all the loathing he inspired him.

"I've also heard that the art school you wanted to enrol in was willing to take you. Because they actually think you're good, not because you're a Lannister. How can all of these good things fall upon someone as weak as you?"

To Joffrey's surprise, Lancel merely blinked.

"Because once you hit rock bottom, the only thing you can do is climb up." He simply replied "And sometimes, to realize you can climb up, you need to accept help from others and that it's okay to be weak sometimes. No one has ever said climbing up was easy and tireless."

Lancel had expected Joffrey to bark something at him or to scoff, not to look at him as if he was seeing him truly for the first time.

"What is it?" He asked carefully

"And what of those who are deemed unable to climb up anymore?"

Lancel had a soft smile and gently patted the place near him. Joffrey understood and sat by his side.

"Listen to me carefully." He started "No one isn't able to climb up. It can be in a very different way than the one you and others would have imagined. The hardest part is to accept you are down and find a path, one that makes you happy."

"I don't have anyone who could help me climb up."

Joffrey stared at the fire as he felt Lancel's curious gaze on him.

"I know I am special, to say the least. That's why no one is by my side right now. I could have earnt it, but I don't believe in karma. However, I believe in family. And to see your sister afraid of you when you were once, and for a long time, her hero, to hear your father being disappointed in you, to witness your mother giving up because she doesn't know what to do anymore, it's clearly a sign."

"I could help you climbing up."

Joffrey raised an eyebrow.

"After everything I've said and done to you?"

"I believe in family too. Just as much as I believe in second chances. I told Sansa once that it's never too late for family. If you've made your own bed, undo it and make it properly again."

His cousin's expression was one he had never seen on his face, yet Lancel knew it was genuine.

"Yes, you're special. You have a temper. And you're full of sass. But that's your personality."

"I kinda need to work it out."

"It's a lifetime work for everyone." Lancel smirked "Yes, you have anger issues. I have depression issues. What's the big deal?"

"I can't believe you're joking about that."

"I believe you can become someone amazing, Joffrey. You aren't stupid at all. You have a gift for understanding military strategies and you have some kind of easiness with politics. You have a good fashion sense. You know how to talk, how to represent something. You are good looking too. Find your own way, the one you feel is best for you and only then, people around you, the ones who care, will want to try and help you climb up."

Joffrey nodded before he muttered he definitely should have had an older brother.

"This conversation never happened." He said as he got up.

The doorbell had rung. The Starks were here.

 _XXXXX_

Lancel had resisted an urge to laugh when he had seen how Sansa was dying to join him when they were greeted inside. That was just so adorable! He loved her even more. Soon, her wish was granted and she was able to kiss him softly. Joined by Gendry and Arya, they all sat down.

"So, how has everything been?" Gendry asked Lancel

"Filled with surprises through and through, but it's good. It's getting better and better. I almost find it hard to believe that I needed to go to a mental home, I feel so much better now. What about you Arya, how have you been getting on?"

"Yeah, I'm good." She replied "Everything has got better lately. My life is much better now; my family and I are on much better terms. We, we understand where things went wrong and we're working on it."

"We're all happier and, well, Arry and I..." Gendry added

"Yeah, we're better than ever and any issues we might've had, they've not been any issue." The youngest Stark daughter explained

The doorbell rang again, Stannis' family had finally arrived. Everyone was gathered at last.

 _XXXXX_

Enjoying a moment of peace, Sansa snuggled against Lancel. They didn't share any words, they didn't need to. Dinner would be ready soon, and they simply wanted to enjoy each other's company. Lancel hadn't lied to Arya, he really felt as if the Lancel he had been, locked away in an asylum, was someone else, that this all happened so long ago. While, deep down, he knew he'd always be there, it was a part of him, one he didn't feel ashamed of anymore. It was thanks to this Lancel that he felt so good now, he had been a base to build on.

Life was hard, yes. But it was also incredibly beautiful. He'd never forget that. Just as he'd never forget that it was okay to be human, to have flaws, weak moments. As long as he had Sansa, that he had his friends, that he had his parents and siblings by his side, he could face all the hardships on his path, it'd never alter how glad he was to be on Earth.

Life was beautiful.

And he was just so happy to be alive and to have the chance to experience it.

 **The End**


End file.
